Last quarter of 2017 I noticed I was feeling restless, not satisfied with myself. Like something was missing, what could be that you may ask, well that was the question I kept asking myself too. I am married, have a job, with children… so what could be the matter? That should be okay right? I got irritated easily at myself and everyone and I didn’t know what was missing. Nobody could understand even when I explained.
I started asking God questions, what is wrong God, why am I feeling this way? I read different books.
On social media, I started following people who had something worthwhile to say. Maybe I could find what it was I was searching for…
I reached out to some of these people with plenty questions. Most of them answered my questions. Some of them preferred a face to face meet up. so I took my Annual leave with my husband’s permission who accepted to take care of our three children while I was away. Off I went.
From one book, video, post, interview to another, I began to see what it was I was missing…
Here is the thing… Growing up, we usually have plans, ideas and dreams… big, small, mighty, e.t.c. but then life throws in curve balls and we are left with being realistic. Marriage, then children comes which are good things. but in trying to handle it all some of us like me forget the important person in all these – me
We are so engrossed in keeping it all together, we forget the plans, the dreams. we forget we are made for something other than wife and mother too. If we do not balance things up, we sabotage everything we are working hard to build. We find ourselves becoming the nagging wife, shouting parent, moody, maybe abusive. Irritated at everything your spouse or children does. Do you want to be like that? No, but you do not know how to stop.
Some of us are used to this feeling of helplessness… because we do not know what to do, we embrace it. Some have embraced it for so long, they do not know any other way. in fact they have forgotten there was another way. You go one day at a time, resigned to what life throws at you, doing the best you can…
You keep improvising and filling the restless feeling with your husband and children. Going day by day like that till your children grow and leave the house.
If you are fortunate you have not fully alienated your husband. but if unfortunately you have, both of you live in the same house like two strangers…
Where are you in your life right now?
What use to be your dream or goal for life?
What use to be the plan… maybe in secondary, University, Pre and Post NYSC?
Aside your husband and children, what do you have?
Do you remember who you use to be?