I was going through an interesting article titled. “subtle ways your upbringing stays with you.”
Whenever I read something, I do not think of how it is true/false and people should learn from it. Rather, I search myself to see how it applies to me and where I need to make amends. That way I learn more. Using this method while going through the article I saw myself. and how I was replicating the same behavior towards my children.
Growing up, I was the gregarious child, inquisitive and know-it-all, adventurous one. My mother had her hands full setting me straight and quenching the fires I lit with my mouth. My father usually made sure I was far away when his friends visited. I remember telling my father’s friend he dressed like a wannabe young man. (not exactly in those words but it was clearly implied).
You want to the class talkative? look no further. I was among the class trouble maker, who never lost a word battle. but never stayed around long enough for the physical combat… I just had to be everywhere, answer all questions, participate in all activities. my tiny self and tiny voice was everywhere.
I was always shut down, and cautioned about showing off or being too outspoken by people. Both outside and at home, so I felt there was something wrong in being expressive. Gradually my expressive nature tapered off till I became a recluse, hiding behind books and my imaginations. I grew up to understand they were trying to channel my expressiveness the best way they knew.
My daughters exhibit some of those traits now. and I realized I had been shutting them down like I was shut down. Even though I understood what was done to me, I didn’t realize I still believed it was wrong to be outspoken. I fell back on my default of shutting them down. rather than channeling their disposition because that was what I knew. It was like I was ashamed of them being that way and sought to stamp it out before the world noticed it.
Long story short, I was using the model used on me. I didn’t agree with that model but like the article said that was one of the subtle ways my upbringing stayed with me. With Caithy’s story, I could understand some of my belief and thought patterns.
I remember watching an episode of Oprah’s show. On that episode, a mother bleached her children’s skin because she felt black was not beautiful. If the little boys protested, she beats them. She had grown up with people making her feel it was wrong to be that color. In her mind she was trying to save them and they didn’t know better. Now I understand (though I do not agree) what she was doing.
Some of us have grown with and internalized some wrong beliefs and thought patterns. which we exhibit and even pass down without realizing it.
The way firms audit their companies and staff… I think we should form the habit of auditing our actions and mindsets sometimes…
Why do I react like this?
Why do I want my spouse or children to behave in a certain way?
What are my expectations for people around me?
How did the things around me motivate that expectation?
Am I establishing a pattern that I grew up with but do not agree with?
How has my upbringing subtly stayed with me positively or negatively?
Seek help where necessary, read widely to open your mind to yourself.
No need to beat yourself up, we are all a work in process and growth is allowed.
Do share your thoughts…