I worked with a lady once (in a school), she is a good screamer, she shouts at me and the children alike. She corrects me in front of the children: “Love, am I not talking to you, move like a human being.” She is always right, and I was always wrong. You could always hear the other teachers saying: “Love, Mrs so and so is around be prepared and true to their words the next thing is “LOVE…..”
Then there was the comparison, how the previous assistant teacher was better than me and friendlier than I was, in front of the children.
Overtime, I lost the respect of the students; what is the difference between myself and them, we are both chastised alike they reasoned. When I talk to them, they mouth off at me, it was tough work.
I tried reasoning with her on one or two occasion but her loud voice drowned mine. I told one of the teachers to talk to her; she tried but it didn’t work. So, I decided to keep quiet and endure (wrong move)
I figured since I will be living at the end of the term (I was to get married at the end of the year) it won’t be a big deal besides what could I do?
At the end of the school session, the school has an inspector who goes round the classes for a routine check of all their teaching aids and books used for the whole year, to make sure everything is in order. I came to work there; third term, so I was only familiar with the books and aids we used for that term.
While the inspector was going through her checklist and asking questions, usually the teacher in charge of the class handled this but I was left to do it.
I assumed since teachers handled it and my own teacher knew I wasn’t there from the first term, she will take care of things; very big mistake. The inspector asked for something and I had no clue what it was, by now the shouting from my teacher was increasing in volume and I was getting frustrated from all the questions I had no answer to, because she already told the inspector everything has been handed over to me.
While the shout and put down was going on, questions from the inspector were flying from another corner. The next thing I saw myself screaming at the teacher: “stop shouting at me, I am doing my best.” Everywhere went quiet as everybody looked at me, even I looked at myself! I have never seen myself lose control like that ever, besides this situation wasn’t any different from what I experience with her every day.
She then looked at the inspector and said; “you see what I pass through every day? That’s what she does. The inspector said she is seeing I am a very rude lady. I apologized to them but that scene the only impression the inspector had of me till I left the school.
That was ages ago; from that experience I have learnt to always be prepared just in case and to speak out rather than keep things bottled up and exploding at inopportune times.
I remembered this story recently when a neighbor’s house help left without any warning because her children were rude to the girl and never listened whenever she gave them instruction. She was tired of it all and abandoned them all.
I have learnt not to shout/chastise an authority figure under me in the presence of children, they soak it up and treat the person the same way you do, and this was reinforced by my children.
Shouting at your spouse in the presence of your children also brings disrespect especially boys who see daddy always shouting at mummy.
Maltreating people under you, (staff, and house help) who are powerless to do anything about it is risky. People do things they do not even know they are capable of when pushed over their limits. Your actions may boomerang on your children, you or your spouse and even your business and job.
When employing someone or getting a help, just like we have a list of qualities we want the person to possess, we also need to have a checklist of things we should equally possess to enable us know if we are really ready to take that person on.
Everybody has feelings and nobody has more right to their feelings than another.
what is your take?