Pruning My Mentality… General overhauling

There were some things that were considered luxury growing up e.g hot chocolate drink (aka tea in Nigerian English) fizzy drinks, eggs, meat… sure you can relate.  I reached that conclusion because I saw them mainly on special occasions.


Also, my father was privileged to be the first son so he handled the responsibility of several siblings and as his first child, unlike my siblings… I had to make do with the little I saw, somehow I developed a poverty mentality. I indirectly began teaching my children because that was what I had.


We have learned lots of things that need to be unlearned… Most we are not even aware of, we have accepted some of these mentalities as ‘how I was raised’ or ‘how it has always been done.’ The negative impact of this is not limited to us alone but the people who in one way or another come across us or are under our care, making us recycle the nonsense.


I got to realize this when I found myself shouting at my daughter, I felt she was wasting the beverage because she had convinced my help to give her chocolate drink aka ‘tea’ twice after lunch when I was at work.  That night my husband with no knowledge of the drama that had transpired came home with two new containers and I had to ask myself, ‘Ufedo were you really teaching her prudence or you were scared?


Days later she told me, Mummy I refuse to do XYZ in school because I don’t want you and daddy to waste your money, I knew that was transferred poverty mentality talking. I have never used ‘waste money’ for any of them but by my actions, I had unknowingly given them the impression. From that day I had to consciously affirm her importance and her right to expect, ask and receive.


Yours may not be a poverty mentality, but since we are imperfect beings there is always room for constant unlearning and relearning.


I had worked on myself earlier resolving not to allow my shortcomings spill into their growth and development but I relaxed thinking I now know enough until I saw the fruits of my laxity showing.


One of my favourite Bible verses growing up was Proverbs 22:6 train up a child in the way to go and when they are old they will remain in it. Whether good or bad, they will remain in it. Whether we agree/not we are teachers/trainers in the classroom/workplace or market place even at home, not by our words and actions.


Before you ignore and tell yourself I already know these things


Or think this is for those with wrong mentality…


Do me a favour and ask yourself just as I am asking myself this question


What do I believe?


What fuels my decision and reactions? Is it Lack? Fear? Opinions e.t.c?


What will I do about it?



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