It’s easier,energy-saving and less time-consuming to ‘help’ my children do basic things like feeding, cleaning up after, putting on clothes, brushing their teeth e.t.c or so I thought.
My view on that changed when I saw they were getting dependent on me and wouldn’t bother to take active participation “Mummy will take care of it” kind of mentality. Then again, why should they, I didn’t teach them to think or try themselves, I did the thinking and trying for them. So, I decided to change tactics.
They feed themselves now, yes it’s messy, more laundry and clean up,but it will be worth it in the long run(hopefully, because I get headache from fighting with myself not to takeover)
Sometimes,when I tell them to put on or take off their clothes/shoes, they complain and cry in frustration “I can’t do it!” Even when I am obviously running late, I TRY to rein in my impatience:
‘yes, you are getting it,continue trying, that’s it, you are almost there!”
When they finally get it, the tears change to ‘yeah! I did it myself and I am proud of myself ” kind of smile.
I discovered they think more out of the box, are more confident, when I give them room to do things themselves rather than tell them how I want it or doing it for them. I realized while telling them how I want it often, they second guess themselves like “what will mummy/daddy want?” but when I allow them (I literally have to bite my tongue to keep myself from telling them what to do) to try their own way, I see methods that are different and sometimes better than what I would have suggested, this sometimes goes for adults too
I don’t want clones of Ufedo or James (tempting as it is) rather I want to see the wonder and surprise of seeing their growth process!
What’s your take?