I went to a friend’s house and she sent her help on an errand. Typical me said won’t you tell her how you want it?” “No.” she replied. “Let me see what she comes up with then I can give her corrections. If I keep telling her how I want it, she will start waiting for me to tell her before she takes action. She will not be confident in her ability or creative.”
Then, I saw a post on LinkedIn that said:
There is a problem. The problem is you. Not your employee. If the employee is the issue, fire them and hire someone else. If you’re so concerned with minute-to-minute progress, HIRE A ROBOT or do it yourself. You are practically doing the job already. WAKE UP. Get smart. Check your ego at the door. Stop wasting everyone’s time (and mental energy). Be efficient. Make money and RELAX. : )
Brigette Hyacinth said: “if you hire someone, it means you believe they are capable of doing the job. then trust them to get the job done. you don’t need to be constantly monitoring their every movement. the best ideas and advancement are a result of empowering your team.”
My children and family are also part of my team.
These three incident did not happen the same day, but it tied itself together for me. I always believed it was either my way or the highway. I was always breathing down their neck. Because I wanted things done exactly so and everyone should toe the line.
If it wasn’t the way I pictured it something was wrong with it. The fact that I refused to acknowledge was, no one could see inside my head to see the picture I saw.
Assignment time was war because I wanted my children to do it in an exact manner. Your book says write from pink to blue line and until you get it, we will continue to erase and redo. It led to frustration, anger and tears on both sides.
I usually convinced myself it’s because I knew what I wanted and I did not want mess up. My husband will ask me, do you want to do it yourself? Then I knew it was time to back off. Other times he will tell me “please leave.” I am trying to help, I tried to reason.
I could not understand why my children were beginning to ask me for every step before they take it. even the little girl with me and my siblings when I give them a task. What is wrong with everybody? I thought.
This made me impatient, because they were not getting it. I concluded they were not being confident enough to think for themselves. I was living under the bubble of let Ufedo be true and everyone wrong.
After my experience with my friend and the post on LinkedIn that I saw. I decided to try it out and see what I will discover. I gave instructions and left them to figure things out to see what they will come up with.
Initially, my children and help were not sure. so they kept coming back to ask how I will do it but rather than tell them, I asked what do you think? What is your plan? And with time they started making suggestions and building confidence in themselves. I had to also learn how to praise their effort rather than critiquing areas that were not to my liking.
Assignment time is becoming less frustrating. Whenever I want to start nitpicking, I bite my tongue and sing instead, my baby can do their assignment… wow! they are putting in more effort with smiles. I am learning to look at the positive. I wrote in my gratitude journal thank God she can write letter O. Even if she did not write on the lines like she should.
I am learning to physically remove myself and watch from a distance. Rather than butt in to take charge as heroine in shining armor, where they can stand up for themselves.
I realize the source came from wanting to be in control all the time. I remember when I gave birth to my first child. I needed to rest but I was always awake wearing myself out. because I had to know where the baby was and how she was being handled. My mother got tired of talking and left me to my devices till I broke down.
I am learning to shift the balance and seek their opinion. Consciously letting go, learning to trust God with it and them. Even when my head screams hold on.
I no longer run there when I hear their cry. I wait awhile to see how they resolve it first.
I am realizing my ideas are good likewise the ideas of others, good in different ways.
Do you do assignment for your children or guide them?
Do you give your children, staff and people around you space to innovate? make their own unique contributions to works and assignments?
Are you the only one with the better idea?
Do you run to defend your children always rather than leave them stand up for themselves
We learn a lot most times from keeping quiet and hearing people out rather than jumping in with our great ideas.
I am Ufedo, a recovering micro-manager.
Who are you and what are you doing about it?