If I am asked, how do you see yourself as a wife? Among other things I will say, I am open, loving, understanding blablabla… who doesn’t toot their own horn? Maybe you don’t but I do… yeah, I am the best wife my husband ever wished for (cool shades on, tongue in cheek… LOL). Well I am growing to be, with God on my case, I am growing and learning every day.
One of the instances of learning. I was strolling through the virtual world of Instagram. When I came across @secretplacewives post. Which says “Dear wife are you teachable?” my cool self, I am like sure! This is a no-brainer. I scrolled down to read what the body of the post said. Then she said, “Read the question again, now don’t answer too quickly. Search your heart and tell yourself the truth.” In my head I am like ahn ahn! I am teachable get to the point. I made to scroll pass. And I saw “can your husband teach you?” su…re. My impatience at the post evaporated because errrm… can I say yes to that?
According to her… “For a long time in my marriage, I wasn’t teachable. And I wasn’t even doing it on purpose. Apart from the part that I am very smart (remember my tongue in cheek? Please insert it here). And can mostly tell the end of a thing from when you start it, I was also over familiar with my husband
My husband’s rebellion towards me in the early years of our marriage was mostly as a result of this. I would even go to him sharing what a mentor or someone else told me and how profound it was. My husband would simply look at me and remind me of the exact same thing he has said to me but I dismissed or argued with him (has this happened to you too?).
He would ask me many times why I don’t consider him a mentor or my teacher and I would say “it’s not the same now, you are my husband.” (Shaking my head at my ignorance). As a result he would not be supportive or just nod at everything.”
When I saw this post, I was with my cousin. So I asked her the same question the post started with. She immediately nodded her head but when I read it out to her, she stammered too.
Without thinking twice, I can count how many times I was guilty of over sabi and being over familiar with my husband. There are times my husband have said somethings so profound and I looked at him again. Because I realized he is not only “baby” to me or “daddy” to the children. But an intelligent man with a functioning brain between his ears. Which I tend to forget because of over familiarity.
The way it is, if I do not believe my husband has anything to teach me. Then there is something wrong with me because I chose him as a spouse in the first place.
When we complain of husbands not listening or using our ideas. It can be because we did not see it necessary to be guided and taught by them in the first place.
She concluded by saying: “listen to this, one way to show respect to your husband is to value his words. IT’S OKAY TO ALLOW HIM TEACH OR MENTOR YOU (if I am being honest, a little pride was also why my husband couldn’t teach me). AND IT’S OKAY TO SAY TO HIM HE IS YOUR MENTOR OR TEACHER.
There is a deep desire in your husband to teach and guide you. YOU WILL BE BRINGING OUT THE KING IN HIM IF YOU ALLOW HIM TEACH YOU. Trust me, there is something you can learn from your husband. Be humble enough to learn it and be appreciative enough to tell him you learned it from him.
His head might swell a bit (allow him be proud). But he would be proud of you, he would love you more and show you off to anyone who cares to listen. Men love to teach and a way to honor your husband is to learn at his feet like you would from other people. PRIORITIZE THIS, THIS WEEK AND COME BACK TO TELL ME WHAT EFFECT IT HAS IN YOUR MARRIAGE.”
I do not know about you but this has some sauce in it. That pride, over sabi and being too familiar has gone with the trash this morning. They will try to creep back but knowledge is power, now I know. So I will recognize the symptoms when I am about to exhibit them.
So I ask can your spouse (learning is both ways) teach you?
Can your husband guide and mentor you?
Are you depriving yourself by being too familiar or proud to accept the ready-made help available to you?
Are you willing to put this theory to test this week?
PS: 61 more days to Evados children storybook launch